Poon [The Devil's Encyclopedia]

Poon

Poon is a valuable, frequently-mined mineral found in the lower regions of the human female. Poon has common isotopes poon-tang (¹⁶⁴Pn) and poonanny (¹⁶⁸Pn), but all forms are considered quite valuable with the exception of ¹⁷⁴Pn, poonofjanetreno. Poon is quite popular in dining, but not carried by a great many dining establishments. While indeed, some enjoy a nice eating of the poon on a restaurant counter, it is a dish that is commonly prepared at home. Common ingredients for preparation of the poon include licorice-flavored underwear or a splash of douche. Connoisseurs of the poon tend to warn newcomers, however, that it is an acquired taste, perhaps best enjoyed with a fine after-dinner liqueur. Many like to cleanse their palate with breath mints such as Altoids first, often keeping them in their mouth as they enjoy the delicacy.

Nevertheless, the poon has been alleged by some to be a dangerous substance, as many have become highly addicted to it. In several superstitious nations with limited education and many undeveloped areas, such as the United States of America, large sections of the populace take strong stances against the enjoyment of poon. Many want the poon off the market entirely, or limited to those ages 18 and older. Those who deal with poon, however, are often reluctant to check IDs, preferring a sort of anonymity in relations with the poon, possibly not even knowing the other party's name.

Others feel that such sanctions could be harmful in a marketplace that is already quite restricted. Indeed, many who possess the poon will only deal with males, and others only with females. Some will only grant access to the poon to those who are wealthy or those who have large endowments that can be used for alloys. Such people want these endowments inserted in the poon in an elaborate process involving a forceful rhythm and often a collection of side items such as whips and chains, and perhaps followed by smoking a cigarette. The resulting product can weigh in the vicinity of 7-8 pounds, and can bring in large sums of money from national governments on a yearly basis, and yet for some the product is unwanted. The poon is often the topic of hot debate, and while answers are elusive, most will agree on one point, that the issue is quite sticky.